Shake It, Don't Break It

[Woman to George Costanza: Extraordinary! Have you ever done any hand modeling?]

You know what is a growing issue in society today, that I really believe we should all work to address? The I-read-that-I-should-have-a-firm-handshake-so-I'm-going-to-
break-the-other-guy's-hand issue. Don't roll your eyes and pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

[George to Jerry: Where do you get off comparing your hands to my hands?! This is a one-in-a-million hand.]

I, myself, ran into this issue yesterday. I met a dude probably half my size and gave him a firm, yet non-overbearing, handshake. He obviously must have read the have-a-firm-handshake book because I think he just put all his might into squeezing my hand. This dude was working hard to have it firmer than mine. He was even squirming in trying to over-power me. (Easy with the wuss jokes about me. My grandpa's a strong guy, alright. And I wasn't crying - there was some dust in my eyes. So?)

[George to Kramer: What are you, crazy?! What are you, crazy?! You coulda damaged my hand!]

Now, there's the issue. While having a firm handshake when the other person has a weak one certainly may contribute to putting you in the power position, that really isn't the intent of handshakes, is it? It really is an opportunity to make a connection with the other person, not simply to fight for control. Personally, I believe in firm handshakes. I think having a firm handshake acknowledges your presence in the meeting, and commands respect. It substantiates your aura. But, when the other person also has a firm handshake, the rule isn't to be even stronger. The rule is to have a firm handshake, not a firmer handshake.

[George to parents: I cannot have this constant bickering!.. Stress is very damaging to the epidermis! Now, I have an important photo session in the morning - my hands have got to be in tip-top shape, so please - keep the television down, and the conversation to a minimum.]

Being the conscientious blogger that I am (not), I decided to contact my buddy, The Sheriff. The Sheriff is actually a professional handshaker, and was able to provide this insight:

I am still a strong believer of the robust and sturdy hand-shake. However, one should always respect the etiquette of its delivery. Somewhere along the lines, the rules of engagement have been misplaced resulting in lifeless hands of individuals, tormented by eager adolescents trying to get that summer intern position. In my opinion, the delivery of a hand-shake is dependant on the recipient. For example, a hand-shake delivered at a funeral expressing condolences would not be the same as the one delivered at a graduation ceremony. Also consider hand-shakes between the opposite sex. I certainly hope that a hand-shake delivered on a first date never mirrors one between two men prior to an arm-wrestle. This from someone who appreciates the continuance of manual dexterity and the natural performance of hands, just as God intended.

Addendum: The Sheriff, who's a woman, also mentioned that women's handshakes are, to this day, very soft and dainty. "Its like, am I shaking air or what?" Pick it up, women!

Wise words, Sheriff. Wise words. I wonder if the root of this issue really is in something that The Sheriff mentioned: eager adolescents trying to get that summer intern position by following a commandment that they have not learned about completely. Perhaps, this really is when the issue begins.

[Photographer to George: He (best hand model in history) traveled the world seeking a cure.. acupuncturists.. herbalists.. swamis.. nothing helped. Towards the end, his hands became so frozen he was unable to manipulate utensils, and was dependent on Cub Scouts to feed him.]

It's an ugly phenomenon folks, which we're all running into in our daily lives. It's getting crazy out there and we need to do everything we can to stop it. Let's do our part and make the world a better place. Props.

Until next time, Saif's out!