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Is Your Baby a Terrorist?

Recently, numerous articles have been published describing issues that parents are facing while flying with their infants. Apparently, the USA's "no fly list" includes names close to those of some babies leading the airport authorities to stop babies from boarding planes. The parents then have to go through the trouble of proving that their babies aren't actually terrorists.

To save parents such troubles in the future, here is a quick checklist to determine whether your son is a terrorist according to the US government.
  • Communication is extremely important. Ask your child if he is a terrorist. If he doesn't answer with a 'no' immediately, it means that, according to the US government, he is a terrorist.
  • Corollary: If your child speaks gibberish, it means that he's speaking in a secret language and therefore, according to the US government, is a terrorist.
  • Feed him some milk. If he drools and has a milk mustache, it means that he is looking forward to the days when he can grow facial hair and become a terrorist.
  • If your child likes snacks -- especially Doritos, like Saddam -- it means he will have similar qualities to the former Iraqi leader and be a threat to society. Therefore, he's a terrorist.
  • Teach him to walk. If he falls in the process of bettering himself, it means that he has similarities with suicide bombers and is, according to the US government, a terrorist.
  • Close all the lights in your son's room. If he falls asleep, this means that he is comfortable in the cave-like dark surroundings of Afghanistan and is a terrorist. If he does not fall asleep, and cries instead, it means that he's out to wreak havoc in the world and ruin the peaceful nights of many. Hence, he's a terrorist.
Try this can't-fail test, and you will quickly know whether your child should be named Sam or O-Sam-a. This should save you a lot of time while getting through airport security.

After all, we know what happens if one of those babies sneaks through: They'll either (a) cry all throughout the flight and bring the plane down by annoying the pilot; or (b) sleep throughout the flight and bring the plane down by distracting the staff with his cuteness. Either way, they're a danger to all.

Until next time, Saif's out!

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